Dear Christine,

I’ve worked as a second shooter for some weddings in the past but the time has come for me to work on my own and I shot my first wedding this past September. I felt nervous in the fact that I didn’t know how to approach the bride & groom and all I wanted was someone beside me telling me what to do! Is this normal? When I came home and viewed all my images I felt totally frustrated, I cried and cried and felt so much anger that the images didn’t come out like I had planned. I have no idea if this is completely normal but I really felt I wasn’t good enough. I know I’m just starting and there’s a ton of things I need to learn on the way but how can I go through this and stop feeling like my work is not coming out good enough? I have 3 more weddings in agenda before the year’s end and I really don’t want to feel like this on each one of them. I know I will make lots of mistakes and I am ready for them but for some reason I don’t feel ready for feeling frustrated. I would really like if you could take a few minutes of your time to reach out to me and give me some advice as to how to handle these first weddings of mine, and what could be the best way for me to start learning from each one of them instead of crying over them!

Sincerely,

”Frustrated me”

Dear Frustrated Me,

How often do we give ourselves a hard time by saying, “If only…” “This shouldn’t be happening…” “I’ll be happy when . . .?.”

Everything is happening perfectly, even if it feels crappy in the moment. You can choose to accept things as they are. Instead of thinking I’m scared…what if I mess up?, perhaps you can think, I choose to take the next step in my career. I have second shot many times and I know what to do.

Unexpected things can come up. Like you said, mistakes will be made. The best way to learn (in my opinion) is to go through the storm instead of avoiding something that may cause discomfort. Be proud of yourself for even taking the step to book your own weddings. As my mom always says, Try your best. 

When I shot my first weddings, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn’t help it, but knew that I would eventually have to start taking the lead and doing them if I ever wanted to become a wedding photographer.

I have daily affirmations.  One of them is:  I handle everything perfectly.

Often I forget (hence the daily affirmation), but I truly believe that I handled everything perfectly in the past and continue to handle everything perfectly in the present.  Sometimes perfectly is a learning lesson but nonetheless, exactly what I needed.  What you believe to be true is true.  If you think you aren’t good enough, that is exactly how you are going to feel.  Maybe a daily affirmation for you can be I’m good enough.  I’ve always been good enough.

Another thing that is helpful for me when I get in my head is to think about how big the universe is.  That’s why I enjoy going to the beach at night so much, or looking out the window of a plane.  You realize that you are this SPECK in a gigantic world, and what seems like the most horrible thing in the world, is actually really small. And really… non-existent, except that your brain made it up. That’s when you can laugh about it.

Last but not least, there’s no need to resist what you are feeling. Fighting makes it worse. Sometimes you simply need to create space and accept how you are feeling in the moment. “I have frustration in me.” Nothing wrong with that.

If none of that works, there are always pillow to punch.