Some people tell me they like my confidence.
What they don’t see are the rampant thoughts that run through my head, the times I’m socially nervous, and the times I have breakdowns and want to stay in bed.
I do a lot of personal growth because how I function at the core affects how I show up in all areas of my life. Not to mention, my #1 goal in life is to be happy and healthy. If I’m good in that area, I don’t care what my external circumstances are.
We see a lot of people who have everything – wealth, fame, people adoring them, but they are still miserable. They get into drinking, substance abuse, and in trouble with the law because things are never enough.
Below I share some of the books I’ve read and things I’ve done to better my life – specifically heal from past trauma, work on my communication, and confidence. Will these work for everyone? I always say only taking advice from people who are where you want to be, so if you think my life seems remotely like where you want to be, perhaps some of these will work for you too. 🙂
“You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincero – She doesn’t use fluffy language so if this is your introduction into personal growth, it’s an easy read.
“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman – This book will make all your relationships 1000 times better.
“A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle –If you aren’t super spiritual, Eckhart is a good at teaching how to be present and let go of past and future thoughts that don’t serve you. His writing is simple, straight forward, and easy to digest. If this book is still too woo woo for you, try his first book “The Power of Now.”
“The 4 Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
“The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz
“You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay
Seminars and Programs
Afest – Afest is like Ted Talks meets Burning Man. It attracts socially conscious entrepreneurs who want to do good. The multi-day event offers different talks, workshops, and networking with positive, proactive people who are making a huge impact on this world.
Landmark – I liked this program because it uses logic and the language is direct. That is the language I am used to because it was how I was spoken to growing up. It’s a masculine approach. If you are clinically depressed or aren’t emotionally stable to independently think, this is not the program for you. But if you respond well to people telling the truth to your face and not coddling, this can be good. My main takeaways from doing their programs have been breaking down my childhood stories, caring less what people think, and improving my communication.
Gypsy Gita – an older Native American man. He flew under the radar, was my coach for many years, and unfortunately he doesn’t practice anymore. But the others below, you can look up their content online. They have a lot of free videos on YouTube that are great.
Marisa Peer – She’s no bullshit, to the point.
Kyle Cease – Again no bullshit, to the point. Plus he’s funny!
Eckhart Tolle – When I first started following Eckhart he wasn’t married. Now he is and his wife (her name is Kim Eng) also has fantastic videos online.
Physical & Emotional Healing
Spas and massages – Self care = self love
Acupuncture, Cupping, and Traditional Chinese Medicine. Also Ayurveda – Natural medicine for long term healing results. It doesn’t cover things up but instead goes to the source to help realign you.
A therapist – If you need to tap into emotions and be given a safe space to FEEL, a good therapist works wonders.
Rage Room – Have pent up anger? Break some shit in a safe environment.
Sound baths – Sound changes energy.
Yoga – Learn to BREATHE through discomfort. I do Vinyansa 3 where I’m sweating my ass off as well as Kundalini, which involves a lot of breathing to balance your nervous system.
Dance – Moving in new ways changes energy. Also great for self-expression.
Discovering New People & Places
There is a big world out there. When I get into the zone that “everything is about me,” all I have to do is step outside and look at all the people around me. In my mind I make all these problems, and then I look at everyone else walking by and ask, “What’s going on in their world?.”
Going to a new place, whether local or hopping on a plane, also works well for me because it makes it easy to tap into seeing things with new eyes. Especially if a culture is very different from mine, it helps me see that my way is not the only way. Everyone is living their life according to what they think is right.
Basically, it’s not all about me.
Find a community with a value system you like. It can be a church, entrepreneurs, a mom group, a martial arts gym, anything. It’s difficult to do it alone. A good community will hold you accountable and help you feel understood. Start talking to others. If you feel lonely it’s because you don’t feel connected (by the way it’s possible to be around lots of people, talk to them, and not feel connected). Openness and vulnerability are important. Also, you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so it should be people you want to be like.
The most important thing if you want change is to truly want it and TAKE ACTION. A lot of people want change but refuse to try anything new. I believe that the more open a person is, the happier they tend to be. The only way to improve life and get results is to do something different. Try something. Anything! You’ll learn something new or you’ll hate it. At least you’re taking initiative and on the way to improvement.
Soon you’ll learn what works for you and what doesn’t. Maybe you like someone who is soft and supportive and writing that is flowery. Or maybe you respond better to someone who is direct and holds you accountable for your crap. Self awareness is extremely helpful. Most likely you will need different things at different times, so listen to that.
Also, be patient and gentle with yourself. Change and growth take time. If you want it, commit to yourself. Don’t only do it for you, do it for others in your life. Do people in my life deserve to be snapped at because I haven’t worked out my emotional shit from something that happened to me 10 years ago? I don’t want to do that to them. They deserve the best version of me.