When I was 6, I got in trouble for something and blamed it on my sister. “No ma, she did it!.” Evil point at sis.
When I was 16, my mom’s friend saw me near my boyfriend’s house when I told her I spent the night somewhere else. My mom asked, “Why do you lie to me?.” Shrug.
When I was 26 my mom asked if I could take care of her pets. This included 3 beta fish. Somehow they all died. I went to the fish store to buy replacements and never told her. 3 months later she was staring at one and scolded me. “Sen Sen!” (that’s my Chinese name)…“These are NOT my fish!.”
Lying. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. They always tell you not to lie when you’re a kid but it doesn’t click until you understand why.
I don’t know how to lie anymore. I know that if I lie to you, I also can’t trust you. I love myself too much to do it.
I broke up with my ex-boyfriend because he lied to my face. No flinch. No hesitation. Nothing.
Here’s the thing – being honest isn’t so much for other person as it is for you. You are only capable of loving other people to the degree that you love yourself. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love themselves enough to tell the truth. What would that say about me?
Big shout out to a few people in my life – Jess, Carla, Fallon, Ape, Mark G. – for having the courage and integrity to live their truth, and for refusing to have it any other way. And, for loving themselves so much, that they have THAT much more to share with me.