When my sister had her first baby, the nurse told her, “You will get unwanted visitors.” My sister said, “I don’t think people will show up unannounced.” The nurse looked at her, smiled, and said, “You WILL get unwanted visitors.”
Sure enough, people showed up unannounced, and my sister had to gently ask them to leave until she was ready for visitors.
Listen & Respect.
This makes me think of the stress and unnecessary drama I see people go through when planning a wedding.
I find things like this simple. Conflicts like these don’t need to happen because unless it’s your wedding or you are giving birth, IT IS NOT YOUR DAY.
People have opinions and want to show up out of good intention, but I think it’s important to listen to what people need and respect it.
It’s not about what you need. It’s not about what you think other people need. It’s about what they actually need.
It feels crappy enough when the barista at Starbucks doesn’t listen and get your order right. The last thing people want is to feel that from their loved ones.
At a wedding I attended years ago, the Best Man dropped out and didn’t show up to the wedding because he got mad that he couldn’t bring his kid (it was an adult-only event). He thought that as Best Man, he should be an exception. This incident ultimately ended their friendship.
When you have a baby or throw a party, you can do it however you want. You want kids at your wedding? Great, but there’s no need to take it personal when other people don’t want the same thing.
IT IS NOT YOUR DAY.
Relationships are give and take, but for moments that are special to someone, I like the idea of thinking of someone else’s needs before yours. It’s good practice being an unselfish human. 🙂
When my bestie got married, I had LOTS of suggestions regarding wedding planning (hehe) because I’ve photographed hundreds of them but… IT’S NOT MY DAY. Unless she asked me a question or for my opinion, I didn’t say anything. What matters = bestie is happy, and she sure was!
Photo by Caroline Tran.
If I ever have a special event, my wish would be for the people in my life to listen and be supportive. If I choose to get married I hope my best friend listens when I say I don’t want any of that bridal shower/bachelorette stuff (I’m not traditional in that sense), and my mom understands when I tell her I love her but don’t need her within a 5 mile radius near the delivery room until I call her, because by then, it will be MY day. 🙂
This Post Has One Comment
Pingback: I’m Going to be a Pushy Bad-Listening Mom - Christine Chang Photo